I don’t exactly know what happened there. All I know is that for quite a while, I lost my mojo. We found it two nights before Christmas, though. I picked up the camera again, and started taking photos of Eli just after he came out of the bath, as he appeared to be a little too awake to put to bed straight away. Naked, lying on his belly on his change table, and having the time of his life, I snapped away and began to capture our little man in stills. It saddened to look back through my entire catalogue of Eli photos this afternoon, and realise that the last time I’d taken the chance to get some decent photos of him on anything other than a phone was when we shot the photos for his Thank You cards – and that was back in September. Three months have gone by; three months that I’ve missed capturing for the keeping.
I got myself wrapped up a little too tightly in life with him, if I’m honest. My ‘excuse’ was that I was busy enjoying spending time with him, instead of stalking him through the lens. The other ‘excuse’ that went hand in hand was that I didn’t want to think of it as work. But when I’m even more brutally honest, it wouldn’t have been work. I wouldn’t have missed out on spending time with him. I just don’t know what happened.
It’s taken him a few sessions with me pointing a big lens at him for his memory and understanding of just what it is to come back. That first night he wouldn’t look directly at the camera, something he’d figured out very early on. But it is coming back. He’s more and more at ease with the camera each time I’m pointing it at him, and he’s responding more and more to it. And me? It’s given me a completely different kind of joy and excitement at some of the frames I’ve made of my son.